Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
