It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
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He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
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Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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