You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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