I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Randomize
