dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
