The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
