I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Actions speak louder than pants.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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