True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
