I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
