If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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