the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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