I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
