What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
