We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
