I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
