This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
