She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
