the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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