I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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