I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
even my farts smell like vagina
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
