I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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