Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
