Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
So much rum. So many feels.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
