First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
