its not stalking. its research.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
