Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
