tonight lets celebrate not being married
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
We don't watch enough power rangers
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
