how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
