I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
