So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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