I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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