i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
