I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
