You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
