If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
