the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
