he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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