Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
