i think my tv is drunk
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
