So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
