On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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