is your mom at the bar?
I bet he comes in French.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
When did angry sex become our thing?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
