how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
