My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
