You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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