Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
