My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
