It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
