Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
