I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize