He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
