He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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