i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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