Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
