when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
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