i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
