Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
