All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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