Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
