i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
