I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Randomize
