I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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