To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
