Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
