My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
