We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
