So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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