i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
