I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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