It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
