youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
