Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
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I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
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Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
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